Transforming Grief

Posted: December 24, 2024

It can feel exhausting and confusing to work hard to adapt to a loss, only to later feel ambushed by waves of intense distress.

Changes including difficulty concentrating, compromised cognitive capacity, lethargy, intrusive thoughts, unexpected waves of intense sadness or relational difficulties may be parts of the grieving process.

Certain circumstances can interfere with the natural course of grief. Losses that are traumatic, violent or unaddressed—especially those linked to early life experiences or shaped by invalidation, disenfranchisement, or societal stigma can have enduring effects on different dimensions of health.

While research and clinical observations reveal specific factors that hinder the adaptive processing of loss leading to what the literature refers to as complicated grief, there are nuances that uniquely belong to each person.

Unlike acute grief or the distress that can be clearly linked to a specific loss, complicated grief can sometimes remain quiet in the background for so long that it becomes easy to miss or dismiss. At other times, intense sorrow may surge unexpectedly without warning and regardless of how much time has passed.

The Hidden Impact

The link between current persistent difficulties and grief can sometimes require a therapeutic process to be discovered. Many caregivers, parents and professionals impacted by traumatic losses or complicated grief may struggle with what looks like depression, anxiety, burnout, emotional dysregulation or relational patterns that can be linked to how their systems processed and adapted to past losses.

Studies have shown that when processing grief or traumatic losses is blocked, the physical health can be negatively impacted. Prolonged grief has been linked to higher levels of inflammation, heart disease and dysregulation of the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis (Lutz et al., 2021).

Many individuals experiencing grief report difficulties with memory and decreased intellectual capacities, often feeling mentally "foggy" or struggling to concentrate (O'Connor et al., 2008). These experiences can be part of the grieving process and are not meant to last if adaptive processing is taking place.

As long as the blocks to processing aren't discovered and addressed, experiences of intense yearning, deep sorrow, fatigue, rage, compromised memory and cognitive functions may keep interfering with the ability to feel engaged and alive. Assumptions from self and/or others that you "should be over it by now" can keep adding insult to injury.

Locating Hope in the Landscape of Grief

Step by step, losses including the loss of loved humans, loved pets, place of origin (displacement), roles, physical abilities, vitality, limb(s), occupations, relationships and communities can be processed and integrated in life affirming ways.

It's been awe inspiring to witness how grief becomes an experience that reveals the immensity of connection, meaning and what truly matters.

Therapeutic work can involve reprocessing the trauma associated with the loss so that the grief can "be free" to find a clear path towards healing and constructing life affirming meanings.

Different therapeutic modalities can be helpful when working with grief , including and not limited to mindfulness based interventions, EMDR, somatic therapy and internal family systems. It's crucial to address grief within a culturally responsive framework.

Not all losses require professional support. Healing can be supported in many different ways to take its natural course. If what you consider as helpful resources or skills helped, or if trying to rely on what was historically helpful actually makes things feel worse, then consulting with a professional may be the next step.

There are therapeutic pathways forward, even when the nature of the loss, persistent pain, and ongoing stressors have complicated or fragmented the healing process for years.

References

Lutz, J., et al. (2021). Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7849176/

O'Connor, M. F., et al. (2008). Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2575022/